Matthew 5:31-32
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Turn on the radio or TV and you will end up listening to one of our society’s hot debates:
- Human cloning; is it right or wrong?
- The Royal family; does it have a future after the present queen dies?
- Terminal illness; is it right to allow assisted suicide?
Imagine living in a thousand years time, and listening to a fragment of one of our TV or radio discussions, you may have a problem working out what is really being said!
You don’t have to imagine, this is what it feels like:
Matthew 5:31-32
This is one contribution that Jesus made to a huge discussion and we need to take that whole discussion into account before we decide what Jesus is really saying.
“You have heard that the law of Moses says…”
What did the law say? Read it in Deuteronomy 24:1. The rabbis of Jesus time discussed this furiously. One group reckoned that the phrase ‘something shameful’ meant adultery. But this was unpopular; most rabbis took the view that God had given a man the right to divorce his wife for any reason at all. You could call this ‘any-cause-divorce-for-men-only’ – and it was for men only, women could not do this.
Skip forward in Matthew’s gospel and you will see Jesus being asked a direct question about this:
Matthew 19:3
The phrase for any reason keeps cropping up in the archaeological material we find in the near east – this was the phrase used for ‘any-cause-divorce-for-men-only’.
“… but I say to you…”
Jesus is confronting those who accept ‘any-cause-divorce-for-men-only’ and taking sides with the deserted women, many of whom would be forced to commit adultery to survive. If her family will not have her back, she would have to re-marry or become destitute. So notice that Jesus says, the man has “forced her to commit adultery” (Matthew 5:32).
Jesus was not opposed to divorce, but he objected to God’s law being used as an excuse to reduce women to beggary.
Now, here’s a warning - beware of taking a single statement of Jesus and generalising it to cover all circumstances . For example, Matthew 19:9 is not the whole story. What if a man is beating his wife and kids but not committing adultery, does she stay with him?
I once knew a lady in this exact situation who was praying for her husband to be unfaithful so that she could leave him - this made me re-think my whole approach to this issue.
Remember what Jesus said about God’s law (5:18)? Let’s look at the Bible Jesus read, the Old Testament, to find out what makes a marriage.
What makes a marriage?
Exodus 21:7-11 provides us with important data about what was expected from each partner in a marriage covenant. Unusually, this law gives a woman the right to leave her husband!
This passage imagines a married man who decides to marry a second wife. In this case, his first wife is entitled to expect him to provide her with food, clothing, and to sleep with her. Failure to care for her or make love to her meant that the woman was free to walk away.
The Hebrew marriage covenant therefore included a commitment to four things:
Personal loyalty (ie not committing adultery – this is what Deuteronomy 24:1 really means)
- To provide food
- To provide clothing
- To have sexual intimacy with each other
These are what make a marriage; failure in any of these areas was to create acceptable grounds for divorce. The woman could walk away if the man didn’t remain loyal to her, or provide for her, or love her. The man could do the same, but not for any and every reason.
Jesus opposed ‘ any-cause-divorce-for-men-only ’ but he did not forbid all divorce. God’s law sets high standards, but it is also realistic. We in the churches need to be realistic, too.
So what is God’s attitude to the divorced?
Malachi contains the dramatic statement, “I hate divorce! Says the Lord God of Israel” (Malachi 2:16). Again it is easy to quote this but miss the reason why… why does God hate divorce?
Malachi makes it clear that he hates it because of the psychological and spiritual damage it does. But there is a deeper reason.
The prophets use marriage as a picture of God’s relationship with Israel, and divorce as a picture of Israel’s unfaithfulness to their Lord (see for example, Jeremiah 3:8). God hates divorce… because he knows what it feels like!
What is God’s attitude so someone who has been, loved, married, and abandoned? He hates divorce, but he doesn’t hate you. He knows how you feel!
Blokes, what makes a marriage?
We were thinking last week about Jesus teaching on adultery – marriage is about loyalty, because what you build with your wife is better than anything you will experience with another.
This week we are face to face with the key problem facing 21st century men – maybe all men in every century – failure to deliver what you promised when you married all those years ago. So much misery could be avoided if only we blokes took this seriously:
Ephesians 5:25-33
This is what makes a marriage
· Love that makes sacrifices
· Love that seeks the best for the one who is loved
· Love that is practical and generous as well as romantic
So there is the challenge – are we going to live it out?